For starters I’m 20 yrs old and I haven’t been in a relationship.

When I was in high school I never really thought much of it. I was too busy in acads and extracurricular activities. I had my friends to hang out with and life was good. I do dream about romance because of films and literature I consume but I never really had an urge to get a boyfriend. My family is also really strict with dating only until I graduate university. I never really had a problem with it personally because I get to enjoy other aspect of my life.

But then the pandemic happened and I craved human interaction. This was also the time where I started using Facebook which most of my peers use (originally I only had IG for idols and fanart accounts). I started seeing all those posts about relationships, even kids younger than me post about their SO or has at least been in one. I started thinking I wanted one for myself too. I never got to experience falling in love, confessing, being confessed to, or being courted. I wondered how it felt to be in a relationship then I fell into a rabbit hole where I questioned my self worth on why I wasn’t being pursued by anyone. Am I unattractive? Am I not desirable?? Things like that kept piling up. But when someone actually hits me up online I ignore it because I’m lazy to build a connection with anyone unless I actually already like them. I’m also scared to be ghosted, cheated on or be stuck in a limbo with someone. I still do have standards for what I want. No bare minimum for me:>

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