To start off, my bf and I have been dating for about 4 years now. I care and love him a lot and I would not be dating him for this long if he was a terrible person to me. He’s actually very sweet and very attentive to my wants and needs and gives me space when I need it from when we first met a couple years ago until now that we’ve moved in together. And that’s my problem, he only cares about me and barely thinks about other people in our lives and it scares me.
You might think that I’m lucky enough that at least he’s not treating me like a horrible person but it’s more complicated than that. My bf is incredibly introverted and never goes out unless I go out with him. One time when I went out with my own friends and came back to our apartment, I joked about if he just waited all day for me to return but he actually just said “yeah.” I thought he would at least text or go play online games with the few friends he has but he genuinely did nothing but clean around and wait for me to come home. Since we moved in together, I’ve been noticing a few things.
He barely has friends. The few that he does have are always the ones to initiate and contact him first to do anything social, he NEVER talks to them first. I could use the excuse that he’s just introverted but when I addressed that maybe he should at least try to maintain his friendships, he brushed it off like he didn’t care about them. These were people that knew him since he was 8 and have been around and caring about him way before I came into the picture so I thought it was off he saw them as strangers. I talked to his friends personally before and they told me that he had only one relationship before meeting me and the reason why it didn’t work out was because he was too “apathetic” and didn’t pay attention to the other person, and apparently he’s been like that all his life. I thought I could let it slide but it got worse.
When I introduced him to my family during a family get-together party sort of thing, he was very polite and respectful to everyone so I thought that was that. I went into the kitchen with my relatives (great aunt and little nephew) when my nephew accidentally knocked over a pot of soup and it burned both my aunt and nephew’s arms to the point they had to go to the ER afterwards. I was the closest to them and the soup got on my clothes but I was fine with no injuries or burns, but my bf did not even care about my aunt and nephew and went straight to see if I was okay which I clearly was. Maybe I could just be a sympathetic person but my aunt was old and my nephew was so young for the burn injuries that I was very hurt when my bf didn’t even try to help my family members. That was the main problem that led to me thinking about whether I should continue dating him or not.
It’s been bothering me so much that he’s just so unconcerned and detached that he doesn’t give a shit about other people in our lives except for me. He does everything I ask and I feel that he genuinely cares and loves me that I feel guilty for even thinking about it. He can clearly show that he cares but it’s hard to tell when it’s only me that he shows it to. I want him to be appreciative of the other people in his life that care about him but I don’t know what I need to do for him to see that. I want him to improve himself and fix this weird attitude problem he has with other people because even in the future we aren’t together, I still want the best for him. What should I do?
